Repoter Finds Naked Person in His Bed

It was a Saturday night Michael Duarte won't soon forget. The KNBC sports reporter returned to his Los Angeles home to a disturbing scene. His back door had been violently smashed open, and the interior of his residence was in disarray, a clear sign of forced entry. "My initial thought was something primal, like, 'Did some wild animal get in here and wreck the place?'" Duarte recounted.

However, the true shock awaited him in his bedroom. There, nestled between his sheets, was a completely naked man, sound asleep. "Seeing a man not just sleeping in my bed, but utterly starkers... it was unbelievable," Duarte explained, the absurdity of the situation echoing in his voice. "It was like a bizarre twist on Goldilocks, but instead of a little bear, there was a grown, naked dude in my bed."

Duarte immediately contacted the authorities. When the police arrived, they roused the sleeping intruder, dressed him, and placed him under arrest. But the bizarre encounter wasn't over. As he was being escorted away in handcuffs, the man turned to Duarte, his friend, and the officers, issuing a chilling threat: "I'm going to kill you."

The full scope of the intruder's bizarre actions became apparent as Duarte surveyed the damage. The man had inexplicably clogged the toilet with towels, devoured an entire box of ice cream sandwiches, and polished off a box of Beyond Beef burger patties. Adding another layer of oddity, he had also raided Duarte's chewing gum supply. "I had a brand new pack with sixty pieces, still sealed," Duarte said, a mixture of disbelief and disgust in his tone. "He ripped it open, chewed every single piece, and then spat out a massive wad of gum, I mean, it was the size of a softball."